The largest egg in the world is an ostrich egg and this can measure up to 20cm in length and 15cm round. It probably has the strongest shell in the world and if 4 of me and 2 of Dexter could stand on it (bit tricky) it would not even crack. Also, the ostrich egg would take the longest to boil at about 40 minutes to make it a dippy soldier egg (soft-boiled)and not one of those disappointing bouncy-yolk eggs (hard-boiled). On the subject of eating eggs, the most bouncy-yolk eggs eaten in one go is 14 in 58 seconds and the most dippy soldier eggs eaten in one go is 32 in 78 seconds.
Fascinating Eggy Tradition
Grandpa Jack is a great one for 'jarping' and he taught me. This is a bit like playing conkers but using eggs. So you get your dippy-soldier eggs on Easter morning and you say to your neigh
bour at the breakfast table,'I say, Happy Easter and all that and how about a bit of jarping?'
And hopefully your neighbour is a bit none the wiser and says,
'Of course, you go first,' because he does not know how to do it. So you can have first bash at his egg which is important because the winner is the one who pulverises the other egg into tiny eggy pieces. My record is 5 eggs in 10 seconds. Eggtastic.
Jarping can get pretty messy.
Funny Eggy Jokes
Q. What kind of egg lives by the sea?
A. An egg shell.
(Dexter told me that one, it is not brilliant but it does involve an egg)
Q. What did the eggs do when the traffic lights turned green?
A. Egg-celerate.
Q. How do monsters like their eggs?
A. Terri-fried.
Q. How did the egg get up the mountain?
A. It scrambled up.
Q. Who wrote Great Eggspectations?
A. Charles Chickens.
And last but not least my Fascinating Eggy InventionSimon Rhymes, thought up the idea for the Bulb Egg Maker while studying project design at Bournemouth University. He experimented with more than 600 eggs and now says he can now produce a perfect boiled egg in six minutes.
He uses high-powered halogen bulbs to cook the egg before slicing the top off and dipping his toast soldiers in.
Maybe you could just stick an egg under a light bulb for half an hour and it will cook but then it would not look like it was going to be transported across time and space in that fantastic glowing egg chamber.I want one.
HAPPY EASTER!
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18 comments:
What an egg-cellent and egg-citing post Wilf. Have a fabulous easter. Enjoy the chocolates!
Is it just me or does the thought of someone eating 32 eggs with runny yolks in 78 seconds make them feel just a little a bit queasy?
I like the 'scrambled up' joke. I'm going to work that into conversation at some point today!
Hello Wilf,
I have thought of an additional joke concerning eggs which you are welcome to add to your current list if you find it suitably humorous.
Priest: What shape is an egg? Tell me quickly lest I cane you!
Choir Boy: Why, eggsangulous of course!
Priest: Prepare to be caned.
This joke is dependent on the hearer understanding that eggsangulous is a pun (play on words). The correct word is, of course, 'exangulous' meaning 'having no corners', but the choir boy of the joke has attempted to curry favour with the priest by indulging in a little wordplay through substituting 'ex' for 'eggs', hence making the answer more eggy. We might imagine the exchange as taking place at Easter time.
I hope you liked my yolk (joke). It is my first attempt to tell one, so I hope it did not fall flat. Feedback would be w-egg-lcome (welcome).
Thank you,
Horton
Eating eggs! Eating eggs? Wilf!?!?! You beastly, terrible, evil boy!
PS I've just seen Granny shoot out the door - I heard her mutter as she belted down the driveway - "I"m going to take that boy by the ear and ..."
I'd hide if I were you.
I think I did an experiment once that involved getting an egg to bounce. The shell is softened when placed in vinegar. And it does get to bounce - once at least. I hope i've got it right. It was well over twenty years ago. Maybe you can try it and tell me what happens.
How did my comment above end up being anonymous? I must have pressed the wrong button.
Anyway, as a follow up to my previous comment (and with my identity now revealed!) I can say that sadly I wasn't able to work that joke into conversation that day.
However, I did tell several people about the egg-eating records and they all agreed that the runny-yolk one was a bit yucky.
What is it about eating a lot of running yolks that makes them a bit yucky? I throw that topic open to discussion!
PS, did anyone else here watch This Morning with Richard but not Judy in the 1990s? Histor's Eye anyone? Egg-selent! Egg! I said egg as in a bird's egg!
If you never saw the show that last sentence will make no sense to you at all!
Eggceptional research Wilf.
"The was a Black Orpington called Princess Te Kawan. Crazy name, crazy chicken." Hmmm, does Atyllah have words on this one then?
Love the Q&A's too.
Happy Easter.
Hi Wilf,
Didn't even realise you had an Easter story up. Thought you'd be away for the holidays.
You have made tradition and the simple story of the egg sound creative, educational and colourful. I shall shamefully say, Happy Belated Easter and hope you had a wonderful time...with dare I push it to add Miranda & Dexter? :-)
I had egg-actly three and a half Easter eggs, Jude. The other half was eaten by Serena the cat - it was a creme egg though.
Yes, Richard the Anonymous, I like to put as many jokes as possible into my conversations, it makes me sound quite big and clever, except at school where apparantly it does not.
Dear Horton
For your first crack at a yolk (joke - I like that one) it was a 6/10 which in my world is actually not bad. The Parents thought it was one of the funniest puns they had ever heard - except for the cane. I had to read all the way to the end to understand it and I suppose if you have a bit of time and a medium sized dictionary, that is OK. But in the tough world of the junior playground it might struggle.
Sorry, Atyllah. Believe me, I only eat real eggs under protest and Serena usually slurps up half of it. I like Granny Were but I hope she comes round in the daylight; although I have never seen a chicken turn into a were-chicken before and it is probably the same as Wallace in 'The Curse of the Were Rabbit'- that was not at all scary. All the same maybe Aunt Aggie should come too...
Saleeha, I will.
R the A
Can you eat a running yolk? You probably have to be quite fast - tee hee. Eating sloppy stuff is OK for a bit but then it reminds me of having the runs and that is no yolk.
Oh and I do not know what you are talking about on the last bit.
Thanks Khylan. Hope all your eggs were chocolatey.
Dear Susan
I had a very good Easter and I am still on holiday. I did compare eggs with Dexter but then I got depressed since he still has some left over from last Easter. He likes to put the cheap ones on top of his radiator so that they melt into strange and interesting shapes. I like this idea but they do taste a bit funny afterwards.
Miranda is not talking to me.
i took a bunch of kids to hidcote gardens last week. there was a perfectly formed giant topiary of a bird in one of the garden "rooms" and in its mouth was a nest filled with blue eggs. to my shock, the children (not just mine but some others from another party) immediately snatched at the eggs, all simultaneously arguing over whether they were real or easter eggs. disaster! one egg fell to the ground and broke!
i didn't know what to say. i suppose nests in topiary are not a terribly good idea at easter time.
hope your eggs didn't turn out real.
happy E!
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