Sunday, June 01, 2008

'What do you think about politics?'

Dad is so excited that he is NOT going into the cellar to sort out his teeth collection every spare second. No, Dad is sitting by the telephone in the hall.
'Why are you sitting here all the time?' I ask him.
'I'm not here ALL the time,' he says. I take a step forwards. 'You can't use the phone!' he says, snapping.
'I do not want to use the phone,' I explain. 'Mum has told me to collect your plate and says, do you want pudding out here as well?'
It turns out that the Prime Minister is using the telephone alot as well. Dad has been waiting for one whole day and night and now another part of a day, so he can tell the PM how to run the country better. He has a long list of things to say marked, 'urgent' 'quite important' and 'if time'. I look at the top of the words and almost fall asleep instantly with absolute boredom and think he would actually be a good hypnotist on the television.
Anyway, I leave him to read all about how to make a simple electro magnet which is packed full of interest.

I am in bed and I hear the telephone ring. Mum is trying to sing a soothing song to George upstairs. It is horrible, just like Serena the cat would sound if she started to sing. And George does not like it either. He is screaming. I run downstairs and trip up on Dad who is asleep on the floor. I hit him quite hard but he just mumbles.
'Your turn to change George's nappy...'
I pick up the receiver.
'Hello,' I say for starters. 'Wilf speaking.'
'Hello,' says a deep Scottish voice. 'Is that the Marshall household?'
'Not all of us,' I point out. 'Just me. Dad's asleep on the floor and Mum is upstairs wailing at my brother. I can tell you - he is absolutely screaming.'
Cough, cough. Throat grumblings.
'I quite understand, Wolf,' rumbles the voice, 'I share in the pain of the hard working people of Britain.' Pause.
'Me too,' I say. 'Who are you?'
Throat grumblings..
'The Prime Minister,' says, The Prime Minister. 'And tell me, Wolf, 'what do you think about politics?'
This is a good question. I ponder and think deeply but I can only remember my electro magnet.
'Have you read, 'The Dangerous Book for Boys?' I ask him.
Rumble, rumble. 'I will do so, you can be assured of that,' he says.
'Right, there's a really good bit about making a periscope which I have already done and then there is a simple electro magnet which is next on my list and...'
He leaps in. 'Let me point out my ten point action plan.'
'I do not think I can stay awake for that long,' I say, yawning. There is a big silence. 'I am supposed to be in bed,' I explain. 'And there is just one more thing. As well as having all the fantastic things that a boy needs to know in just one book, there is totally nothing about politics in it which is brilliant - apart from the rules of cricket, I suppose.'
'Hmph,' says the PM and he snorts as well. 'Perhaps you should go to bed.' The phone goes dead.
Not only do The Parents tell me to go to bed, all the time but the Prime Minister of Great Britain phones me up specially to do it as well. This is The End.
If I had a 'bed module' like this, I would be in bed all the time.

6 comments:

Dame Honoria Glossop said...

In our attic there is a set of old books called 'The World of Children' and they tell you really good stuff like how to build a bonfire, how to make a pinhole camera and how to make origami water bombs. They'd probably get banned nowadays.

Wilf said...

They are banned by The Parents, Dame Hon, especially indoors. But that is not the point because these things need doing and that is that.

Absolute Vanilla (& Atyllah) said...

What I want to know, Wilf, is what did your dad say when you told him the PM had called while he was asleep???

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Dear Wilf,

I've missed it here, quite a bit!
Been out wandering, but we are back now.

And you've visited with the Prime Minister! Pity he didn't listen to you instead of trying to bore you with politics, but that's the way they are.

I hope your dad won't be too miffed that you spoke to the PM and he didn't.

Probably best not to tell him, on second thought.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Wilf said...

Hello, AV
"%*!!!*$£ ... wake me up!!*£$!" or something like that. I could not make out a lot of it.

Wilf said...

Hello Wanderlust,
It it nice to see you. Yes, it was a pity he did not listen but I do not think he has time to do that really. Too late - for what Dad said, see above. I do not think Dad will be going into politics.