Sunday, November 30, 2008

Local Parent Governor Politics Turned Nasty


WOODCHESTER CHRONICLE

LOCAL SCHOOL PARENT PROTESTS AT SCARE TACTICS FROM 'THE GODFATHER'

Local parent governor politics turned nasty today as feisty Dorothy Marshall, 40 (pictured with her son, George) slammed fellow contender, 30 year old builder, Dave Dooley, as "worse than The Godfather in that Mafia film".
'He's using bagfuls of
sweets to bribe his way onto the school board!' she said. 'Then I was sent a threatening letter, warning me to stay away from the election! These are underhand, criminal and pathetic tactics and I have already made the police aware of what is happening. That man is a political vegetable.'
Mr Dooley commented, 'she's mad.'
There were reports of fighting in the playground today as children caught up in election frenzy exchanged blows. There were no serious casualties but acting head teacher, Mr commented, 'Our OFSTED report gave us an,
'excellent' for relationships between children, I just don't understand it.'
When asked about playground rivalry, Dorothy Marshall said that, 'I will not tolerate violence in any form on or off the playground and that certainly is one of the platforms of my school governor campaign; along with the reintroduction of locally sourced giant vegetables for school meals, extra targetted homework and a total ban on sweets and builders.'
When asked to clarify this last statement, Mrs Marshall said that she was not being elitist and that builders had every right to live normal lives just like the rest of us.
Mr Dooley commented, 'she's mad.'
'Events pertaining to the parent governor election are a school issue,' a police spokesman said 'although Mrs Marshall's arrest for disorderley conduct is a matter of public record.' Mrs Marshall refused to respond to the police statement.
This newspaper has learnt of a surprise last minute entry to the school governor race. Mr Ranjit Patel will be spreading a message of joy and peace and hoping to win votes with his message of yoga, sandals and happy thoughts.
Mrs Marshall said, 'whilst I agree with Mr Patel's philosophy, I cannot see how happy thoughts will get the dinner cooked although sandals might be a good idea in the summer.'
Mr Dooley said, 'they're both mad.'

3 comments:

Richard Peevers said...

Wilf! I've missed you! I'm sorry I've been away and missed six months of your posts, but I'm (more or less) back online now! I'll catch up, I promise!!!

Richard (of Undead Flowers)

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Mr Dooley really doesn't have that much to say for himself, does he. But, with all due respect to your mum, Wilf, I think he may be onto something... No sweets, whatever next!

Jude said...

Politics- don't you just love it? You can't escape it- any where. Sad but true.