Thursday, April 06, 2006
On Planet Parent they believe in the power of the 'coat' . The 'coat' will stop you catching cold, flu, pnuemonia, kidney ailments and any number of nasty diseases. I believe the 'coat' is a nuisance-it gives me heat burn and stops me running faster than Dexter. His parents never make him wear a coat. But that's not the worst of it-I also have to wear a vest. In my opinion that and a coat could be fatal. Will they listen? I wouldn't mind too much but it's still not even snowing.
I've had enough of pretending to believe in Santa and being nice because it's Christmas. I turn at the door and look at them happily unwrapping their little Christmassy tree toys. The fire is flaming and it's getting a bit hot what with it being like Summer outside. They look so cheerful-it's almost a shame to say it but...
'Father Christmas will burn his bum if he comes down on top of that fire!'
But Dad's prepared. 'I expect he'll come in through the window then, Wilfred. And it's 'bottom' not, not the other word.'
Oh no you don't, I think. 'But you always lock the windows before you go to bed, don't you?'
Dad looks at Mum. 'Put your coat on before you go out, Wilfred,' she says.
That old ploy. Distraction. 'And if he can't come in through the windows he won't be able to being me any presents!'
Dad gets up and rubs his hands together over the fire. I bet he's really sweating in this heat now.
'And Dexter's house has two burglar alarms,' I point out.
'He'll just have to use magic then!' Dad almost shouts this out.
Now I know he's desperate, he's using the magic-get-out-clause. I spot Dexter through the window and decide to let them off the hook.
'I suppose so,' I say and try to run off.
'Coat!' they both shout.
'But it's not snowing!'
There's no arguing with them sometimes.