Apart from cream tea, the most disgusting thing in the universe to eat is a mincepie. Read on.
"Three centuries ago, a mince pie was a huge dish called “Christmas pye” and described as “a most learned mixture of Neats-tongues (ox tongue), chicken, eggs, sugar, raisins, lemon and orange peel, various kinds of spicery, etc.”
This is of course DISGUSTING but Dad (see right) thinks mince-pies are what beards were made for which is also DISGUSTING.
Serena is hungry, I can tell, so I crumble most of the mince pie onto a plate for her and leave a few crumbs on another plate. I pick out a glass and fill it with some of Dad's red drink.
She's really hungry. I pour most of Dad's red drink onto her plate and mush it up together with the mince pie.
'Happy Christmas, Serena,' I say, as she tucks into it.
I bite a carrot in half and leave that on the mantlepiece; I throw the other half in the bin. The cat's not really interested in healthy food. Finally I leave a note I typed out all ready. It says:
"Thankyou for the mintspie and the drink. It was kind. Bye.
From Father Christmas.
P.S. Your super son, Wilf let me borrow his computer to write this note. Get him a motorised toboggan next year"
There, that should do it. Mum and Dad can believe in Father Christmas again and also think that I believe in him as well! Sorted!