Sunday, November 05, 2006

You Two are the Odd Ones Out

So, camouflage yourself (bet you cannot see the stick insects on that tree) or run away - aagh! It is a giant ladybird! Well the stick insect can do both which is quite handy for the stick insect not to mention AMAZING but it turns out the parents are NOT impressed with these amazing abilities and are NOT happy about me having Stinky's babies. Miranda says I can keep them at her house for now. So, I will use my incredible powers of persuasion on the Parents and soon they will crumble and beg me to bring in the stick insects. Perhaps I will tell them what the experts say, "This is an easy species to keep and very hardy. They are nice and compact," and I will not tell them, "although they have the ability to run away very fast when you are not looking." - either that or I will just sneak the babies in and they will have to blend in with the furniture.

At school everyone is really interested in my stick insects and I am so excited about my babies I forget I am not talking to Dexter and in the playground I give him a friendly shove.
'You know stick insects?' I say in a casual sort of way as he gets up.
'Yeah, I've got loads but they died,' he says and kicks at me - looks like we are friends again.
'Well, I am getting FIVE!' I kick him back.
'I had about a hundred,' he says getting his football out, 'I couldn't be bothered to count them all.'
'Miranda has about a hundred,' I say, backing away ready to get the ball. 'I am keeping mine at her house.'
He stops and puts the ball away. 'At her house? Huh. They are stupid anyway - just swim around like floating fleas.'
'That's sea monkeys you idiot! Not stick insects! Now give me the ball!'
'I'm playing with Tyson anyway...' he shouts and he runs off.

In the classroom things get interesting and that is not something I say alot. Mrs Trundle is meant to be doing science but she ate too much dinner or something and so Mr Bagnall is here talking about forces and even he sounds bored. We are all falling asleep when suddenly Dexter sticks his hand up. This is weird because, first, Mr Bagnall has not even asked a question and second, Dexter NEVER answers a question even when it is asked.
'What is it, Derek?' asks Mr Bagnall. There is alot of sniggering. Dexter looks behind him.
'I'm called, Dexter,' he says 'and I have something big and important to tell you.'
'Is that so, young man? Then enlighten us, I am all ears.' and he cups both ears with his hands.
We stare at Dexter.
'I have been kidnapped by aliens,' he says.
Everybody gasps.
'Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Well done,' says Mr Bagnall.
'It is true,' says Dexter. 'They took me onto their spaceship.'
'Right,' says Mr Bagnall and he is looking at the door now. 'You don't mean you've been kidnapped by ALANS? Do you Dextrose? Do you? Well done, good joke,' he says and points at his badge.
'No, aliens and that is a fact.' Dexter looks at me. If I did not know better I would say he is being a bit jealous of me and my popular stick insects. But then I did see some strange lights in the sky last night. I am not going to tell him that.
'I saw strange lights in the sky last night,' pipes up Oliver-James.
'Me too,' says Itisham. 'Can I go to the toilet?'
'How many of you saw odd lights?' asks Mr Bagnall.
Mostly everyone puts their hand up. Except me and Miranda. I look at Dexter and fold my arms. I will have to probe him about so-called alien kidnapping...
'Looks like you two are the odd ones out,' says Mr Bagnall. 'Well done.'

10 comments:

Susan Abraham said...

Hi Wilf,
What an exciting life you lead. There is new drama at every turn. I so enjoy your stories and especially today's post.
But is it going to be all about aliens from now?
I was really pondering the stick insects with a morbid curiosity.
By the way, I thought you and Dexter kicking each other was an interesting way to make up after a quarrel.

Atyllah said...

Ooh, Wilf, be careful. Dexter's quite right, there are aliens about and not the sort you want to be meeting. You'd better take really good care of yourself. Perhaps you could cover yourself in stick insects and pretend to be some sort of twiggy tree?

dead sea princess said...

very nica blog.say the princess of
the dead sea.

Wilf said...

My life is not very exciting, Susan, things just seem to happen. I have to find out about the aliens because between you and me I really did see funny lights in the sky...

Wilf said...

Tee-hee! I like the idea of being a twiggy tree, Atyllah. I wonder if there are any twiggy tree aliens, that might be interesting.Cannot think why they would want Dexter though.

Wilf said...

Thankyou Dead Sea Princess, I think.

Saaleha said...

Wilf, I want to come to your school. First I have to find someone to un-age me. Maybe take 18 years off. Will you be my friend?

Wilf said...

Hi Saleeha
Yes come and join our school and I will be your friend but only if you DO NOT join the Alan Club, I am very fed up with it.

Wilf said...

Hi 'Wilf'!

I tried to post this but I've had my diary and passwords nicked and BLOGGER won't let me in! (CURSES - I'll have to start again!)

QUOTE:

"This 'Alan' keeps crop-circling up! Must be Alialans!!!!"

Cheers!

Alan

AKA

Alan Gidney

Wilf said...

Good to hear from a genuine Alan, Alan - keep up the good work.