Wednesday, February 21, 2007

On the Whole I Think That Went Rather Well


There may be an infinite number of parallel universes, and we just happen to live in one of them. These other universes contain space, time and some of them may even contain me, in a slightly different form. What is fantastic is that these parallel universes may exist less than one millimetre away from us, milling about like loads of bubbles.
In the parallel universe where The Parents live, stick insects do not exist and every family eats organic vegetables and
bedrooms are always a joy to walk into. Children wash everyday, have nice tidy converstaions with their chums and do homework, just for fun; the trouble with bubbles is the high danger of popping.

Right, so we come to the ruction I was talking about. When The Parents find out about the cress seeds actually being stick insect babies they are VERY DISAPPOINTED. This is because:
a. they were ultra-keen to help me with some actual homework and now there is none
b. they are not ultra-keen on stick insects and now there are some
c. I lied to them
Out of all of these disappointing things, c is the worst, the absolute horror and the total work of the devil. It makes them put on their Very Droopy faces and loll about over mugs of tea in the kitchen, wondering where they have gone wrong with me. I try and make them feel better by pointing out that I never lied to them, I just did not tell them the whole truth. This only makes them sigh more.
'We must make sure this doesn't happen again,' says Dad.
'No, it definitely will not,' I assure them, 'Miranda is not giving me anymore stick insects, I know that.'
'Your father means - no more lying , Wilfred.'
I do not think I can agree to this, since that could be another big fat lie.
I try distraction. 'Can I keep them, then?'
Mum puts her head in her hands. 'Never mind that now, we have something important to tell you, Wilfred.'
What - more important than stick insects? More important than being Very Disappointed with me?
'I can keep them?' I venture.
Dad starts puffing up like a gorilla about to attack. 'Yes! You can keep the stick insects as long as they stay in your room and inside a cage...COME BACK!'
I am half way out of the room, ready to find a cosy spot for the tiny babies. 'Oh, yes,' I remember, 'thankyou. Bye.' I run.
'WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY, WILFRED!' bellows Dad.
It is at this point that I think I went to some parallel universe where ancient disappointed people shout at you about babies. Very weird. Anyway, I ignore this impossible happening and take my little sticky children up to my bedroom.
On the whole I think that went rather well.

16 comments:

Fluffy said...

The woman next door once said she was going to have a baby. I think that was what she said anyway, it could have been a brandy though.

At least you get to keep the stick insects.

Fluff

Atyllah said...

Well, I'm glad you get to keep the stick insects. But this baby business, Wilf... hmmmm... Mind you, you could become an interesting reference point for research that I've not yet undertaken...

Are you holding up alright at the prospect, dear boy?

Jude said...

Very funny Addy.

Wilf, you do like those stick insects don't you? Why don't you ask your Dad to repeat what he said again just to check you heard right.

Richard said...

The baby announcement was a serendipitous stroke of luck! Very well handled, if I may say so: now you get to keep the stick insects.

Stick insects creep me out, though. It's like they can't decide if they want to be animal or vegetable.

Saaleha said...

Hmm, they're having a baby and you're having babies. Interesting development.

Wilf said...

Yes, Fluffy - I get to keep the stick insects and that was the main thing!

Wilf said...

I do not know what you mean, Atyllah because The Parents, in their ancient ness must have got confused and meant babies (as in my stick babies). Anything else is unthinkable.

Wilf said...

Thanks, Jude!

Dad quite often says, 'don't make me repeat myself, Wilfred!' so I do not think I will bother.

Wilf said...

Stick insects are a bit creepy. They move so DELIBERATELY - it makes me surprised the parents do not like them.

Wilf said...

I just think there is a big baby muddle-up, Saleeha and the only babies around are mine.

Susan Abraham said...

a. they were ultra-keen to help me with some actual homework and now there is none
b. they are not ultra-keen on stick insects and now there are some
c. I lied to them


Highly-witty!
You captured a kid's or rather, your sensitivities very well, Wilf. i found this post a delight.

To the Mummy
sorry I couldn't be here on Thursday to read & comment as I had no internet accesss for the most part of the day and until late yesterday :-)

Anita Marion Loughrey said...

Love the idea of a parrellel universe. I believe I slipped through a space time gap once and ended up in a different universe. I'm not sure if I ever returned to the correct one though, as things changed after that happened.

Wilf said...

Thanks, Susan! Always a delight to see you here!
Addy

Wilf said...

Anita, you could have slipped from any number of parallel universes into any other number without even knowing!! Agh!

Khylan Seriphyn said...

I never lied to them, I just did not tell them the whole truth.

That's my excuse too..

Wilf said...

There is no greater excuse, Khylan. I am glad you use it too.