Tuesday, September 04, 2007

I Expect His Aura is Having a Crisis

My smallest evil cousin, Skye insisted on only going round the fairytale art exhibition at the Sroud Museum. This was a tragedy, since it meant I did not get to see Edward Beard Budding and his lawnmower for any great length of time. I could not sneak off and gawp at what I wanted to gawp at because Mad Aunt Caroline insisited that we all fill out a museum worksheet (they were called funsheets but they were not fun) and discuss our findings with her and Mum. I do not know how my oldest evil cousin, Jaspar, managed to escape but he did. More of him, later.

Anyway, so we are at the Museum and I only catch little glimpses of the great EBB but there is ice-cream on offer at the end of the Museum ordeal. To speed things up a bit, I write down, 'I do not care' to questions like,
'How is red cloth dyed red?'
'What is your favourite fairy?'
and 'no' to commands like,
'Draw yourself as a servant in the eighteenth century'
'Dress yourself as an elf and then find a fellow elf to play with.'

MAC and Mum purse their lips like cats' bottoms when they examine my worksheet.
'You weren't really trying were you?' says Mum, sitting down in the tiny cafe and rubbing her now biggish stomach.
'Nope,' I say. 'I am on my holiday.'
Mum looks at MAC in a, 'see what I have to deal with' sort of way.
MAC plasters a smile on her face and says, 'I expect his aura is having a crisis.'
I notice that, Evil Cousin Skye has drawn stupid lines all over her paper. 'What about her aura?' I ask, pointing an accusing finger at Skye's worksheet. 'She's just scribbled all over hers!'
MAC looks as though she is about to faint and Skye actually gasps and says, 'these are my lines of wonderment!' she says it as though it is totally and utterly obvious to anyone what they are.
'Eh?' I ask in a reasonable way.
MAC fans herself with a paper napkin and Skye tuts. 'I take my pencil and I trace where my inner baby guides me.'
Even Mum looks boggled.
I laugh, long and loud. 'That is the funniest thing I have heard since we got into the Museum,' I sputter in a witty way.
MAC sweeps her orange sari around her. She pats Mum on the knee and looks at me. 'We may have to try some rebirthing for your son. It could be the only way to restore his balance.'
'I do not think I will bother with the ice-cream,' I say, 'see you back at the house.'
And I run.


Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Methinks MAC should be packed off to the Outer Hebrides, or a nice quiet ashram in India - she might be happier there.

As for funsheets, never trust anything called a funsheet when it has been prepared and given to you by an adult. Most adults forgot long ago what fun is.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Watch out for that mad aunt of yours!

Vanilla is right. Adults who act grown up know very little about real fun.

Rebirthing is not a good thing, if they try to tag you with that, point out that your parents are already busy doing that with the bean and you don't want to take the limelight off of that.

How are your sticks?

Wilf, your aura is fine. I thing it's good that it's not atune to your aunts, if it was... THEN we should worry.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Jack said...

I was worried that my aura was having a crisis once. It turned out merely to be a case of indigestion. If she brings it up again, I would recommend a teaspoon of castor oil. That should solve the problem quite quickly.

Wilf said...

I absolutely agree with you, AV. Actually most of Stroud could go as well, for that matter.

Wilf said...

Thankyou WS. I am having to deal with enough already. I am going to show you my pictures of the sticks next.

Wilf said...

A teaspoon does not sound like much. I think I will slip a big dollop into her food; she will not notice until her aura disappears. Ha!