Sunday, November 25, 2007

This Is How To Mine Your Own New Bedroom

Back to below stairs and now I have to work fast to make a new room because the baby-child is bearly here. I do not know what Harry Potter was whingeing on about because apart from the vacuum cleaner (which I have re-invented as the 'Radivac' so that it is tuned into Radio 4) there is quite enough room to sit down and have a think, without even the bother of having to talk out loud. Still, there is not quite enough space for my sticks or my life size poster of Buzz Aldrin or actually a bed. So the plan is to go downwards. For this fantastic endeavour I have borrowed:

- a toasting fork
- two serving spoons
- Mum's trowell
- one of Dad's dental drills (he has a sad collection of them and will never notice)

I already have my underpants/mining lamp torch which still fits my head. I did think about inviting Dexter to help me but then he was ill with a sick bug. It is probably just as well.
This is how to mine your own new bedroom in three steps.

1. Rip up the existing floorboards using available tools. This is a tough job but the woody evidence can be hastily burnt on the fire in the sitting room.
2. Sift through layer of rubble for interesting artefacts and store for a later understairs world museum (you never know what you will find). Place uninteresting rubble in fire in the sitting room.
3. Dig out bare earth to required depth. This may take some time. For disposal, see above.

By the time Dad calls me for tea, I have disposed of the wood and 42 trowell loads of rubble. Time for a well deserved break.


Vesper said...

How wonderfully ingenious, Wilf! :-) :-) :-)
A pleasure to read you, Addy, as always...

Dame Honoria Glossop said...

Can't wait to hear what the crumblies think of your radical new bedroom decor.

Tell them it's your entry for the Turner Prize.

Wilf said...

Thankyou, Vesper.

Wilf said...

They are a bit down on any art created after 1900, Dame Honoria. They are a trial.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Perhaps you could add a pick axe and a shovel to your list of tools - things might go a wee bit faster.

Personally I think that tunneling down is a simply splendid idea - you could create a new hall of the mountain king - you, of course, would be the mountain king - only you would be the under-mountain king. You would just have to watch out for the dwarfs and goblins who may get a bit cheesed off if you encroach on their territory.

Wilf said...

I did watch a very ancient film called, 'Journey to the Centre of the Earth' and it was fantastic. I hope I can make friends on my journey and then turn into their King - that would be good.
You are right, Atyllah, the spoons are a bit hampering.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

That's very clever, Buzz.

How far down will you be going?
Does the radivac pick up radio waves in the tunnel?
Do you really want Dexter to know about this tunnel? Escape routes should be kept secret at all costs, usually.
When will the baby arrive?

Scarlett & Viaggiatoer

Fluffy said...

Sounds like hard work, I'd be good at burning the wood although it might end up with more than just the wood getting burnt.

If you had my claws you could dig much faster too.

Saaleha said...

Happy digging Wilf. Maybe you can find out what the seven dwarfs sang. Might make the digging go faster. If you were here, you could always sing shosholoza

Wilf said...

Thanks, WS. I shall go down about 100 feet I think and then I should be safe.
The baby-child is coming SOON!

Wilf said...

Fluffy, claws would be good but a bit annoying if you want to pick up some biscuits on a well earned break.
I would quite like to breathe fire all over the place though.

Wilf said...

Shosoloza sounds fun but is quite difficult for me to say. I hope it is not a fast song.