Sunday, December 02, 2007

'Why Do You Have a Jack-hammer In My Hallway?'

The problem was that I just happened to mention, in passing, that I was mining myself a nice new bedroom and suddenly EVERYONE wants to do it. I tried to pretend that I was only talking about a film I had seen but Dexter was not having any of it. He said, 'my Dad, Dave, is a builder and has loads of useful tools up his sleeve and I can borrow some without him knowing.' You might think this would be useful.

That Saturday, Dad is helping Mum into a coat-tent so they can go and for a hospital appointment.
'Mrs Next-door is keeping an eye on you, Wilfred,' says Dad. 'And she will be round soon, so get any ideas.'
'What sort of ideas?' I ask, casually.
Dad glares at me but before he can begin on a long and boring list of banned activities, the doorbell boings.
'Hello, Dexter,' says Mum. 'What have you got there?'
Dexter heaves a giant scraper-thing into the hallway.
'It's a jack-hammer,' he says out loud.
Dad's eyebrows are working overtime. 'Why do you have a jack-hammer in my hallway?' he asks. I try and give Dexter the shut up secret signal. 'Stop fidgetting, Wilfred!'
'Because I am helping Wilf dig out a new bedroom.'
Mum laughs and then after a pause Dad joins in.
'Oh, that's alright then!' She laughs some more and it is starting to get a bit disturbing, so Dad heaves her out of the door and looks back with an eyebrow glare.
'Remember! No ideas!'

When I have punched Dexter and we have eaten some biscuits, we get to work. A jack-hammer is an ace tool. It jumps up and down really hard on any surface and goes actually deeper than you think. We had to sort of start it in the hall and it bounced around on the parquet for a while before we could catch it. Then we took it under the stairs and really got to work.
And it would have been fine, had Mrs Next-Door and her small dogs not turned up. It really would.


Dame Honoria Glossop said...

I can't help thinking that (jackhammer + hole in floor + Mrs Next-Door and her small dogs) x parents = trouble.

Anonymous said...

ohmigod, a jackhammer! what did mrs next door say? did the dogs hear the jack hammer? does a jack-hammer run on the mains? did you wear a helmet?

sorry. i'm a grown up. can't help asking questions.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh lordy, Wilf, a jack hammer! It's a fine tool, but with Mrs Next Door bearing down on you with a gazillion small yappers in tow, I'm not sure I fancy your chances. What happened!!!???!!! Did you perhaps hammer a small chihuahua? Or Mrs Next Door's toes? Can you bury any evidence in the hole you've created with Jack the Hammer?

Fluffy said...

Small dogs are the worst kind (in my opinion).
I wonder what happened when Mrs Next-door and her dogs encountered the jack-hammer. I've never seen a jack-hammer (I don't get out much) so I'm not sure what is likely to happen. Nothing good though I shouldn't think.


Wilf said...

Trouble is right, Dame Hon.

Wilf said...

Mrs Next-door is not very understanding when I try to save her life.
Dexter's Dad, Dave says he is an eco-builder and so the jack-hammer is solar powered and no we did not wear any helmets, even though tunnel digging is actually quite dangerous what with monsters and everything.
You cannot help being a grown-up.

Wilf said...

It was quite ugly, Atyllah. Not a good start to Christmas, I can tell you.

Wilf said...

I like jack-hammers but it is nothing on the god of tools that is the adjustable wrench.