Friday, December 14, 2007


So, the mega-legus eating monsters pile through the hole. Dexter and me tumble backwards and I think that the creatures will fall on us and eat us right away. Somewhere, Mrs Next-Door is screeching like mad and will soon be another victim.

'It's drooling on me!' cries Dexter from beneath brown and matted fur.

'Try not to swallow! It is most likely poisonous!' I advise, helpfully.

Already the hot air down here is reeking of old meat and nasty wet stuff. I can hardly breath underneath it all. Four thousand claws scratch at my face.

'Sorry, Dexter!' I shout. 'At least we will not have to put up with the new baby-child!'

'It's licking me!' cries Dexter. 'Aghhhhhhhh!'

'WHAT ARE YOU BOYS DOING DOWN THERE???!!!' Mrs Next-Door bellows into the understairs void. She must have opened the door. Bad move.

There is a fantastic clawing and growling and scrabbling and the beasts fling themselves out of the under-the-stairs-cupboard and onto her throat. Probably. The door slams shut. There is silence whilst they devour their prey and then quite a lot of barking.

'Come along, boys!' chirrups Mrs Next-Door, who must still be alive. 'I don't know how you got into this house but now it's time for a bath!'

We crawl up to the hall and peek the door open. There are muddy paw-prints all over the hall floor, lots of jackhammer scratches on the parquet, a small hill of rubble by the front door and a mountain of mud that Dexter was supposed to be dealing with. I hear the car door slam outside.

'Right,' says Dexter, 'I think I'll be off now, you can keep the jack-hammer for a bit.'

And he runs out of the back door.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like an adventure. Good to see Wilf still going strong.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Eeek, scary stuff, Wilf. But just what are mega-legus and exactly how big are they? And are they really very terribly dangerous?

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I am appalled that he abandoned you in your dire hour of need.

How horrible!

Well, Buzz, we are here for you, as much as we can be.

Keep us posted on developments!

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Suzan Abrams said...

Really like the name, Mrs. Next-Door and too, the humour bit at the end when you, Wilf, & Dexter wonder if she's still alive.
Sounds too like you and Dexter are best mates now, scoring off on your secret adventures together. :-)

Dame Honoria Glossop said...

So ........
Mrs-Next-Door is an evil daemon and the megaleggi are her diabolic minions!
She probably wants the BabyChild as a sacrifice.
Or maybe the BabyChild will be a daemon. Is your mother called Rosemary, by any chance?

Wilf said...

Thanks, VB and happy christmas!

Wilf said...

It turns out the Mega-Legus are bones boiled down from animals kept in the freezer by Mrs Next-Door. I actually believe that the ML is still there waiting to dug up and will carry on with the bedroom mining.
Happy Christmas!

Wilf said...

THanks, WS. Dexter is always doing that although I can usually grab him if I am thinking quickly enough.
Happy Christmas!

Wilf said...

Thanks, Suzan! And a very happy christmas to you.

Wilf said...

No, Mum is called Daphne or Daff. This is a terrible name and only my name is worse.
Happy Christmas, Dame Hon