Sunday, February 19, 2006

Granpa Jack

Three things Granpa Jack does that he shouldn't:
1. Smokes a pipe 2. Wears a smelly hat. 3. Bets on the horses.
He's great. And one really great fact about Granpa Jack is,

Granpa Jack lives in, 'The Pit of Despair' (see above), that's what he calls it. This makes him quite grumpy. Mum and Dad call it, 'St Agnus' Home for the Elderly'. And this also makes him quite grumpy.
He used to live in our house until Dad chucked him out and that made me quite grumpy.

The next day it is still not snowing-even though it is the day before Christmas Eve Day! I am expecting a return call from the speaking clock. This clock is accurate to within five thousandths of a second, which is a very interesting and useful fact. So when the telephone rings, I rush into the hall to answer it.

'Don't ever get old, Wilf my boy!' bellows Granpa Jack.
I shake my head. 'All right, Granpa Jack.'
'You'll end up parcelled off and shoved into the 'Pit of Despair', like this one! With cockroaches and lice in your bedroom and unspeakable food!'

Mum is standing next to me. 'Granpa Jack?' she mouths and I nod. 'Remind him about Christmas.'
'Nobody will remember your birthday, nobody will come and visit you. And did I tell you, dear boy, I lost my last two horse races?'
'Yes, you did. Mum says to remind you that you're coming for Christmas.'
'She wouldn't have to remind me if I was still living there, in my real home, instead of an old folks home! I'd rather live in an outside lavvy than here. Be a sight more comfortable I can tell you!'

Mum is still watching me carefully.
'I wish you were still living here too, Granpa Jack,' I say, watching Mum's lips go taut before she walks away. That was a mean thing to do but I do want him here. He's fun. Tell you more tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Buzz is cool!

Wilf said...

Too right!!!