Sunday, July 22, 2007

I am Force-Read Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows

I must interrupt my exciting time at the medical museum because of two things. The first is the force-reading of the new Harry Potter book and the second is a game of tag.

The Parents have read to me since I was a broad bean but I do not remember any of those books because, no matter what anyone tells you, you cannot understand a great many words when you are a broad bean. I think this fact was a little disappointing to The Parents and so they tried to make up for it by forcing as many words as possible into my ears whenever they could. There was never a time when I could not remember Mum or Dad without a book in their hands next to my bed. So far, so good. BUT, when I was three, it was not always, 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' or 'We're Going on a Bearhunt', oh no, this was when they started on Harry Potter; for example, 'The Philosopher's Stone' took six months for my father to read to me and I still do not really know what happened in it but I do know HP won. Mum read 'The Chamber of Secrets' and because I was a little older, she also bought three little educational games that she and Dad would demonstrate, alot. By the time we got to 'The Goblet of Fire' I was expected to perform a full bodied patronus and sum up the plot. After the reading of 'The Order of the Phoenix', the Parents secretly joined Mugglenet on my behalf so that I could 'keep up with the action'. I did try reading, 'The Half-Blood Prince ' by myself ( I can read) but The Parents insisted we all read it together because, 'the death of Dumbledore might be too much for us, I mean you to bear.' I coped.
The action figures and lego model of Hogwarts were completed for me when I was seven and are now sitting in The Parents' bedroom- for safekeeping. The Hogwarts Express, which Dad keeps in the cellar with his teeth collection, now has a really good station and real water pond (with merpeople) which Dad says he is building for when I am old enough. Mum's matchstick Hogwarts castle is nearly complete. Whenever anybody asks them what I would like for my birthday or christmas, they nearly always say in an offhand sort of way, 'oh anything to do with inventing or space or if you're really stuck maybe a wand, 12 and a half inches, dragonheartstring and blackthorn, slightly whippy.'
Anyway, I am not far off 10 and they are expecting another broad bean and in a desperate bid to make themselves popular with me again; they have just ended a weekend of force-reading of HP7, with voices and home-made costumes and everything. It has been a long battle but now it is over.
Good-bye Harry Potter, I will miss you but I think The Parents will miss you more - the things they do for love.


Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Well done Buzz.

Just one thing, you forgot the tag!

I'm not into HP actually. I haven't read or seen any of it.

My friends and family are all shocked and horrified, and so I've acquiesced to begin the journey with him. Harry, I mean.

So, I will revisit this when I am better educated about it.

How are the sticks, by the way, are they eating anything yet?

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Sue Eves said...

Dear Wilf,
How wonderful to have parents who read you such a massive story in one weekend and with the voices - I'd like to hear them speak in parseltongue!

Did you listen to the whole story or did you just pretend and fall sleep?

Wilf said...

Hello Scarlett
I did not forget but I ran out of puff. I will do the tag for my next post.
I am glad you are going to give Harry a chance, he has had a tough life and deserves it.
There are now 5 sticks and they are all pale green and still have all their legs. The longest one is 3 cm long and they eat leaves like mad now. They must have given up on the exotic food fad. The discos seem to have stopped as well, maybe they are no longer teenagers.

Wilf said...

Dear Sue
The parseltongue was just embarrassing and unnecessary really; it involved a lot of accidental dribbling.I think Dad was just trying to show off.
I was allowed to go to the loo and eat but otherwise it was petrificus totalus.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Wow, the parents read HP7 to you in one weekend?! Was there are a chance to stop for food and bathroom breaks?
I'm a little concerned though, Wilf, HP7 was pretty dark. It gave me nightmares - I hope you managed okay while the parents had fun. Funny things, parents, aren't they?

Wilf said...

Dear AV
It was fine. I coped quite well and did actually manage a few extra breaks when they were getting really carried away. I think I may have missed a few crucial bits but I know the main thing - Harry Potter won.
On the whole, I think The Parents are a good thing and I would not want them to be killed by Voldemort even if it meant I could then go to Hogwarts.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Perish the thought, Wilf, I wouldn't suggest killing off the parents - could lead to problems that - but perhaps you could just lock them in a dungeon now and then - so they know who's boss - you!

Wilf said...


Jude said...

Ah yes... HP and the forced reading. My niece has read it and spilled the beans to me. Her father hasn't quite finished it and her brother has read a synopsis which as my brother in law points out isn't quite the same as reading the book in full!

Can't wait to see what the tag is?!! The mystery...